After a lot of drama…

…I have been called in to meet with my former boss about being reinstated into my job. Long story short – I was wrongly laid off along with 6 of my other co-workers in November. Since then, there has been a grievance filed by my union against her, among other things that are happening there.

Will be going on Friday for a meeting to see if I can begin working again. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worse because of past and present issues still in the air.

Wish me luck. I have everything crossed…

See more progress on: find a job

 

Song Lyric #3

I Can Only Be Me - Kieth John

Butterflies begin from having been another
As a child is born from being in a mother’s womb
But how many times have you wished you were some other
Someone than who you are

Yet who’s to say that if all were uncovered
You will like what you see
You can only be you as I can only be me

Flowers cannot bloom until it is their season
As we would not be here unless it was our destiny
But how many times have you wished to be in spaces
Time, places than what you were

Yet who’s to say with unfamiliar faces
You could anymore be loving you that you’d see
You can only be you as I can only be me

I can only be me

 

Smoking - Entry #2

I called my local 311 to access their Stop Smoking services. They recently had a campaign that offered help to those who want to stop smoking by offering FREE patches or gum. I called, answered the questionnaire, and received the gum. Was hoping for the patches, but according to my answers they felt the gum was what I needed. Have I started using the gum? Yes. Am I using it exclusively and not smoking? No… (sigh)

Doing better than I thought with it, and not smoking everyday, but this is not something I see myself sticking with. I don’t know about anyone else’s experience with the nicotine gum, but I don’t like it. Yeah, it’s mint flavored, and I don’t have to chew it constantly, but I don’t like the taste and it’s very sticky.

Until I can find it in myself to just go cold turkey, or find another way to stop, I’ll chew the gum – sometimes… But, I’m not gonna like it and you can’t make me.

See more progress on: stop smoking

 

Feeling Dumb

The more I talk to people, the more I realize that there is so much I don’t know. Not anything in particular, but things in general. Some things are not on my radar because of what I keep up with. Other things are things I feel I should know, but haven’t followed up on. Sometimes I find myself wanting to be a part of conversations going on around me, but because I feel I have nothing to offer, I stay silent and listen. I take in what I hear and think about how I feel about it and come to my own conclusions or do some research. But then there are the times where I do participate, and if I’m not on target with all of the information I present, or ask questions for clarity, or maybe use a different “language” then those participating in the conversation, it becomes awkward. Instead of “learning” me something, some people try to make you feel dumb because what you may have to offer is not up to “their standard”. I never understood that. You would think that if someone is showing interest in something you know about, you would want to educate them on the subject at hand. Unfortunately, I’ve been coming across some folks who feel they don’t have time to share what they know with people who are not of their “kind” - race, religion, sex, level of education, financial status, etc. I could go on.

Maybe this offends me so much because I’m the exact opposite. I always try to help someone learn or understand something that I already know, especially if they are asking me to help them. The only thing I don’t like is for people to ask you for help, and when you offer it, they make no effort to try and learn it for themselves. They just want you to be around to do it for them. Otherwise, I’m there to assist anyone in anyway I can. If I can’t help you out, I will let you know that I can’t and I will still try to help you find someone else who does, or offer you assistance in finding the information you need. younahmean? (sigh)

Anyway, with all of that said, I’m still feeling dumb - kinda. But I know what I need to do and I’m gonna get it done. I need to read more. I need to pay more attention to things that matter to me, and look into what I want learn. I’m not completely turned off from talking to certain people in certain situations, but I do know how I will handle it from now on.

Here’s to knowledge, and the sharing of it…

 

Finding My Voice

I started this blog because I needed an outlet that was different from my journal. I thought of starting a blog a while ago, and took my time thinking about it before actually doing it. I finally just jumped in and did it. It’s been cool for me to have this thing up, but I realize that I don’t post that often.

One of the reasons I don’t post here that often is that I’m used to my journal, and old habits die hard. The other reason I don’t post here that much is because I’m still filtering what I will post here and what I won’t. I’m not at the point where I feel I will be an open book and talk about everything that’s going on in my life. Some people share their entire lives in their personal blogs, and I admire their openness and bravery. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be that open, but I will always be honest.

So until I decide how I’m going to express myself, I will still post, and will make the effort to post more often. And slowly, and surely, you will get to know me - maybe just not everything.