MeMe Fun Tag

I have been tagged by Deon. (@#!$%)

I have no one to tag.  Sorry…

Anywho. Here it goes:

What was I doing 10 years ago? I was put in a position to make a decision that I did not want to make.  I either had to do what was expected of me, or do what I thought would be best. I chose to do what was expected of me. And while it seemed like the wrong choice initially, it turned out to be the right one. It set me back a bit with things I wanted to do, but in the end I was what I needed to do.

What are 5 things on my to-do list today? Read, write, relax, eat, and sleep… I’m in a contemplative mood and need to keep it simple.

Snacks I enjoy: Anything with chocolate or cheese. These are two of my favorite things to eat, so anything involving one or the other is a good thing.

Things that I would do If I were a billionaire: This is a no brainer. Clear my debt, go back to school, travel, invest in something,  buy land/property, maybe start my own business (not sure what kind yet), and hook up some of my friends and family. Kinda boring for a billiionairess, I know. But that’s all I have at the moment. When I become a billionaire, I’ll update this list.

People I want to know more about: I getting to know those people. No need to name them, right?

I Miss My Daddy…

I’ve been in a funk for the past week or so, and just figured out why the other day when I was talking to Deon. Father’s Day is on Sunday, and my Daddy isn’t here. This will be the third Father’s Day since he’s passed away and it still feels like the first. I was very close to my father, always have been. When he died I was numb. Actually, I’m still numb, but not in the same way, you know?

He was sick for a long time - high blood pressure, diabetes (which he never accepted. It eventually took his sight and both of his legs), and kidney failure (dialysis 3 times a week, refused to let us test to see if any of the fam could give him a kidney, and wouldn’t go on the donor list…).  After 13 years, he decided he didn’t want to be here anymore and stopped fighting.  He stopped eating and let himself go… I begged him to stay and fight, but he just kept telling me that he was tired of “being like this” and didn’t want to go on. He knew it was selfish of himself to make that choice. I felt selfish for asking him to stay knowing he was miserable. Once he became unresponsive, I began to mourn my father.  By the time we had his funeral, I had no more tears for a long time…

I have great memories. Years and years of them. And everytime I look in the mirror, I see him. I look just like him. The other cool thing is that my father was loved and liked by many. Whenever someone tells me about something they remember about him, it’s always good. Those kinds of things make me smile because I know that my father was a good man.

I’m going to do my best to hold it together on Sunday. It’s going to be hard though.

I miss my Daddy…

My Poetry - Entry #3

WRITER’S BLOCK (September 3, 2007)

I want to write but I can’t get the words down

Ideas are plenty and I know what I want to say, but…

Nothing is forming or pouring from my insides

Just a bubble inside my head with the concept

I want to write but I can’t get the words down

For some reason, I can’t get through the door in my brain

Ideas are swarming, but they continue to float around with no direction

I have the pen in my hand, but it’s motionless

Stuck in my head are some things that need to be said, and…

I want to write but I can’t get the words down

Force it I shouldn’t, it would probably come out wrong

But I’m dying to get my thoughts down

Will it be a poem or a song?

Its making me crazy how hard this has become

I want to write but I can’t get the words down

A block on my creative side causing me to stress

There’s so many things I need to get off my chest

Yet, the words escape me

It’s crazy…

I need it to flow

I need to let go

I need the release

I need the peace

I want to write but…

I can’t.

Song Lyric #4

This song reminded me of what I’m going through, and how I’m feeling…

Like A Feather - Nikka Costa

I’m coming out of my wishing well
Where only echoes lonely hear my prayers
I’m coming around to bend cause my resistance been to persistent
I’ve come to far to force it so I’ll watch it slide and land
I could come on strong and willful but
I’d rather watch it fall to the palm of my hand

Chorus:
And when I set it free like a feather it will be
And when I rise to see it done like whatever it will be it will be

I’m taking a breather baby
From sitting on pins waiting for my sky to fall
I’m taking up giving in
So here’s the wheel, I’m putting my feet up
Take another look at me baby
Today I’m taking on catastrophe
I’d rather take it easy
Then try to force what’s on its way to me

Chorus:
And when I set it free like a feather it will be
And when I rise to see it done like whatever it will be it will be

We’re only afraid if we pull back the blinds too far
The lights behind that we free will blind other stars
But the truth doesn’t blind it helps to see far
So get ready to be…

We’re only afraid if we pull back the blinds too far
The lights behind that we free will blind other stars
But the truth doesn’t blind it helps to see far
So get ready to be who you are